Aging Drama Queen

Dangerous Dust Bunnies

I tripped over a dust bunny as I walked through the living room this morning.

Napoleon "Dust Bunny" Scibelli

Once I found my glasses and put them on I realized it was my little, fluffy Shih Tzu who had done the tripping. The good news is NO dogs (or dust bunnies) were hurt during this incident...I was not so lucky. Mind you we're talking bumps and bruises and strange pains that will come out of nowhere days from now, and I'll have no idea why because I will have completely forgotten about this fall. But, the other good news is I'm still young enough to fall without breaking a hip, which is a good thing because I seem to trip and bump into things on an almost daily basis. I have become the Guinness World Record holder of klutziness. So, for now all I can do is be proactive! I've got my Skechers on, I'm taking the corners wide and I'm getting the dog a helmet! See you tomorrow.

 

Yoda Speaks for Me

The other morning, my husband and I were having a very important discussion about current events or maybe it was the grocery list. I began to make this articulate point about the pathetic state of our Congress or how we should be eating less pork, and my brain decided to take a mini sabbatical and see what my mouth could do on its own. My mouth freaked. My husband said, "Did you just talk like Yoda?" I'm not sure what was more surprising to me, that I could speak like Yoda (which is kind of cool) or that my husband knew who Yoda was. This is a man who usually doesn't know Star Trek from Star Wars, from A Star is Born. I smiled, "Yoda, know you?" "Of course I do, he was that funny, furry, orange alien from the planet Ork," he said with pride. I just couldn't burst his bubble...someday ...find out he will.

Friends for the Ages

You don't realize just how important your girlfriends are, and the things they'll do for you, until you start to lose your mind. It's just so much easier when everyone in your group is about the same age and going through the same thing. You can take turns helping each other remember things like "What day is it?", "Where are we?" and my personal favorite, "What's your name again?" But what I really love about them is their patience with my inability to communicate when I'm having a REALLY bad day. When it takes me a half hour to get out one sentence....at least it would without their intervention. Or maybe they just like playing charades and word games. "It starts with a "t" and sounds like "uh". "The?" "Yes! That's it!" "What would I do without you guys?" And they even make nice excuses for me, to the waitress, when I'm banging my head on the table in frustration. "She's had just a little too much wine, honey", "Don't worry, we're bringing her back to the home right after lunch." Okay, so maybe I'm not the only one that's frustrated....but, soon it'll be my turn to help them, because that's what friends are for!

Tissues are a Girl's Best Friend

If you're a woman, you know all about crying. Perhaps some of us are a little more experienced at it than others. That's why you won't see ME working as an emergency room nurse, counseling depressed people, or putting makeup on the dead. I consider myself an expert on the subject, crying, not putting makeup on the dead. It's just always come very easy to me, and now that I'm, ahem, older.....you would think I'd have a handle on it. Nope. When my girlfriend calls and wants me to go to a real "tearjerker" with her, I remind her of the "incident of 2004" where I had to be physically removed from the theater for sobbing uncontrollably. People threw popcorn at me! That's the last time I watch "Bambi". There are days when I can't get through a TV commercial without waterworks. I know the children need clean water, the animals need a good home, and we're depleting our forests.....where the Hell is that damned box of tissues? And will someone please turn off that television?! Tragedy struck the other morning....I emptied the vacuum canister onto the kitchen floor instead of the trash can....I had to run into the bathroom I was so distraught. More tragedy! Not enough tissues! I had to run around the house until I found some more, all the while becoming more hysterical. My husband had that look he gets like a mute deer caught in the headlights....wise to be mute. But, there is good news, besides that I'll be so old some day my tear ducts will just dry up, there is a sale on tissues at the local grocery store. All will be well again.